Another Step Forward

The grieving process is an on-gong thing. I believe that each person takes the time they need to deal with and embrace what it all means. Each person is different and there are really no rules and regulations regarding the time it takes to heal. All the little euphemisms like ‘time heals all’, ‘the pain fades and turns to fond and loving memories’, there are a million of them and I have to admit that most of them are true.

Grief is different for everyone. My friend Patrick once told me he read that it takes women about 7 years to truly come to peace with the loss of a spouse and well I can see that this could be true.

This week I made arrangements for Nick and I to fly to Vancouver Island to release Gary’s ashes (as per Gary's request). It is another big step in moving forward. I had been holding onto them despite Gary’s wishes not to be sitting on some mantel somewhere. (Truth is, he’s in a box in my cedar chest.) And to be perfectly honest with you, letting them go scares me to death. (So much so that I have invited my parents along for support).

You see, standing on my own seems so daunting and somewhat overwhelming to me. Can I do it? Am I strong enough? Am I financially capable? Do I respect myself enough to trust that I can make it alone? Honestly, I can tell you that for most of my life I struggled with self-esteem and worthiness, but these past three years since Gary's death, I have come to realize that I am a strong, independant, vibrant, intelligent, compassionate and loving human being. I am fearless in a culture that seems so fear-based, this alone is a most essential characteristic. Most importantly though, I can define who I am on my own merits.

Life carries on after death. I know personally of two women after the death of their spouse continued on to take care of their families and proceeded on to live fulfilling, independant lives, long into their 80's! And I know there are so many others who have or are doing the same. There is a great liberation in realizing your full potential and acknowledging that you are worthy of living to the best of that potential.

There is also a warm and loving compassion in realizing that surrendering to life and it’s many experiences always brings one closer, not only to one’s true higher self, but to the calm and peace within that we are forever in search of.

I have always insisted that once you have given and felt love that, that particular love never leaves you. And even though the person who shared their love with you has left you, their love for you has imprinted its place on your heart. Not only that but, it is added to all the other loving experiences you have gained throughout your life and this is the energy that fills you and allows you to move forward day to day in a loving manner. I truly believe this to be so.