Happiness is a Lifestyle Choice

After three days in the field Nick was back home last night. The work was tough and rigorous and my methodical moving son was not in his element.

Nick was two months premature and asphyxiated at birth; doctor told Gary he was 48 seconds from becoming a vegetable. They told us that most likely Nicholas would be challenged motor-wise and well, being the optimists that we were we had faith that Nick would turn out just fine. Nick was slow at walking and now that I think on it most everything that had to do with his motor skills but I just chalked it up as being two months premature and behind in that manner. A couple of months ago he and I were working out doing some aerobics and I realized that he was completely uncoordinated. I began to think back on his life and realized that he really did struggle. I felt so bad for him because the kids use to make fun of him and I have to admit that while teaching him how to roller blade or skate or do anything physical I found it most frustrating as physical activity always came easy for me.

Hiking through slews and up steep hills carrying seismic cables was more than he could do and not only did he slow the crew down I guess he gave them good reason to mock him as he kept losing his balance and falling. He did not say it but I felt his humiliation and disappointment at his admission that this was just not going to work for him.

I guess because he was quite bright I never thought about the physical side of things. Unfortunately, it had not helped his self-esteem and he not only lost interest in participating in sports but because he was not aggressive or motivated also lost interest in school and never proceeded on to post secondary. My friend E.D. sees Nicholas as a sort of Einstein. She said to me this morning, “San could you see Einstein on a Seismic Crew?” I had to laugh. Gary always maintained that Nicholas would have to find a job in the academics as that was what he excelled in and his high school teachers called him brilliant if he just got down to do the work and took it seriously. Many have said that they see Nick as a humanitarian as he has such deep compassion for mankind and to be perfectly honest with you, the first time I held him in my arms I had this overwhelming feeling that the child was not solely mine but belonged to the world.

We have discussed him going back to school but up until yesterday he felt that he wanted to make some “quick” money. I think yesterday pushed him closer to the reality that his life would not be one of hard labour because physically, although he tried, co-ordination wise, he is just incapable of doing that kind of work.

People grow and learn at different speeds. In our culture we anticipate our children to be at a certain level at a certain age. We push and prod and expect that they either do what we failed to do or do what society says they should do. My comments to Nicholas last night were that there is no such thing as failure just learning through experiences. I will support him 100%, something that I don’t think I was willing to admit to him even a year ago. I wanted him to get on with his life, make something of himself, but if I recollect clearly, at age 22 I was fumbling around trying to find my place in the world just as he is doing today. I was living at home until I was 24, moved out when I met Gary. Eventually I found a level of comfort and grew from there. I often felt that my parents were not always supportive of me but I think that in the end, even if it was by default, they gave me the room to make my own choices by learning through my own experiences which lead to being responsible for myself.

I believe I can honestly say I have never wanted anything more for Nicholas than that he finds happiness in whatever he does in life. However he does that is his own choice. I will guide him and help him when asked, support him and give him what I have to give him freely that which I have pleanty of... love. The rest is up to him. All we have is each other now and I believe we must value and treasure that special relationship. I have no doubt that Nicholas will find his way in this world whatever that ends up being and he will commit at being the best he can be once he finds his niche.

“My mother said to me, “If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general; if you become a monk, you’ll end up as the Pope.” Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.” P. Picasso