Is it possible to have it all?

Charles and Anne Morrow Lindberg

Great day today. Breakfast out with Nick and then we hung out at the bookstore. I bought one book he bought 4 of which he finished one already. (This is a kid who at the age of three said to me, “Mom, I don’t want you to read to me any more, I want to read myself." So what I ended up doing was teaching him how to read phonetically first, he was that anxious to learn how to read. He never looked back after that.)

I know I have written this before, but it has become a very important discovery in my life. I have finally come to realize the “real” part of myself and I like whom she is. I like being on my own, knowing I can depend on myself and challenge myself to do anything I choose. It builds great strength and character. I think I have always been an independent soul. I was always trying to fit into that role of woman our culture has written up for us and it seemed like such a struggle. To be truthful I always protested it in some way or another as I was growing up. My clothes, or an attitude was just slightly different or I’d choose a subject for a school project that wasn’t “girl-like” to write about. I created the "School Yellers", my protest against cute cheer leaders in high school. We dressed up in our high school tee-shirts and tights and brought loud instruments and cheered on our teams that way. We also had more success with the crowds than the cheer leaders ever did! I remember reading about Margaret Mead in high school and thought that she was courageous to go to foreign lands and learn about different cultures… my secret admiration of any woman who chose to go against the norm and do what she wanted to do.

Now, that I have crossed this invisible barrier of fear to do things that appeal to my heart’s desire it feels so right and comfortable to me. I am seriously thinking that my next trip might be to India. Truth be known I think that it must be one of the few exotic places I have secretly wanted to go to. There is a program through the UN (there are many actually from many women’s organizations) for western women to volunteer for as much time as they can to go over there and help out with and learn about the conditions of women who live there. I read about it a couple of years ago and it struck me as being quite interesting. Africa will certainly be a test as to how much of a third world country I can actually handle, physically as well as emotionally. Up to now, my traveling experiences have been pretty cushy and the worst experience was realizing I only had one Kleenex in my pocket sitting in the bathroom in a small village in Greece that had no toilet paper. As I have often said before, it’s one thing to fantasize about “doing good” and another to actually engage in the experience of the hard core realities of a third world country. And as exotic as I may think it is to venture to the unknowns, there is also so much one can do in their own country. And I do know I am no Mother Theresa that’s for sure!

I believe that I will always be torn between the comforts of home and that of adventure. And independence does not always have to be experienced in the wilds of Africa or the hovels of India. Thing is, having a warm and supportive relationship is just as meaningful to me and I miss it terribly. The ideal would be to find balance between the two or ultimately have both and my heart is sure that this is certainly possible.

It is good to have this time on my own, to learn how to be independent and self-sufficient, for I am certainly finding balance between my two life desires and when you think on it, how many people actually get that opportunity? I am also discovering this incredible woman within who’s character runs the range of child behaviour and indulgences to “Anne Morrow-Lindberg” adventure woman (whom by the way, was not only the navigator to many of her husband’s flights, she was also a mother and a writer among much, much more).

So maybe it is possible to have it all. No?