More about Friends... again...

E.D., L.L. and G.G. have been in my life now for almost 20 years. We have shared so many things between us and despite disagreements we may have had they were always made insignificant when measured by the love and compassion we have had for each other. I am ever grateful to these three women and cannot express the love I have for them in words. Those of you who have girlfriends like this know what I am talking about. Those who do not, well they are out there, you just haven’t found them yet.

I was going through some old emails, deleting the ones that were outdated and I found this letter I had sent to LL. Now I have to tell you that there were just as many emails to E.D. of this nature and many talks with GG along the same lines. But this is the kind of thing you share with your friend. You share the deepest part of your soul because you know that friends like this are kindred spirits, gentle souls, compassionate and loving beings and you would trust your life with them. They are more precious then the most precious stone and certainly there is no equivalent to their worth in money for they are priceless. The one pre-requisite to having a friend like this is that your reciprocation of their love and compassion must always be equal or more...

Dearest LL,

Something happened to me tonight as I was walking the dog. I was thinking that each time I meet someone and have an experience with them, the more independent I become. You said something today that struck me. You said, "Whatever you want to do… Go for it!" Thing is, at 51, I don't have to care what anybody thinks of me any more, not my parents, friends, acquaintances, strangers.

I think if Nick goes out on his own (which eventually he will, and I think sooner than later) and if by the time I am ready to retire, I might sell the house and go out to the island to live. I like it out there. Maybe find a condo and just be by the ocean.

I think many men will fall in love with me. I am a beautiful person. I am a good-looking woman, and maybe that's ok to fall in love again...but I will only have one true love.

I think I am beginning to discover my independence and to be truthful, I like it. I have always had this great passion to be a Bohemian, but I also like my suburban life. Do you think it is possible to be a Suburban Bohemian?

LL, I love this woman I am becoming. It is scary discovering who I am and sometimes I think that I would give anything to have Gary back and feel safe once again, but that's not going to happen so maybe I should just let things unfold as they are meant to.

I guess LL, I have it pretty lucky, I am discovering the fun at the latter part of my life when I don't have to be good or worry if I will find a husband, or worry about what others might think of me. Those who know me and love me, like yourself, are all the people that matter to me and you have been my greatest supporter of "discovering the woman within."

Sigh.... I kinda wish this (G's death) might have happened to someone else cause at times it isn't much fun I gotta tell you (yet I wouldn't wish this sorrow and pain that I have felt on my worst enemy), but since this is the deck I was dealt, I guess I better play it like I'm gonna win the game!

I love you LL. Thanks for being my very best friend. You will never know just how much that means to me.

The letter was written in 2004 a year after G’s death. I have detoured from my path of joy from time to time, lost myself in grief, sometimes pity, sometimes absolute sorrow at the missing of my love. I have tried to embrace a new relationship and wasn't ready, I have also been scared to death at being alone and all that it encompasses, but I have never really wavered on the excitement of trying to live my life to the fullest and I have had the strenth and been brave enough to embrace this new life from a different and fresh perspective. I have also never wavered on my appreciation for my friend’s loving kindness.

Thing is, I consider all three women my very best friend because each one of them have given me their most compassionate self and I have felt their love, each unique and each divine. They are truly Diva’s in their own right.

P.S. MH, haven’t forgotten your heart either! xxoo