Queen of Hearts

I am not the best one to comment on relationships, although after living in a loving one for 25 years might qualify me as someone with a bit of knowledge as to what works or doesn’t. Most of what I believe was learned after the loss of my husband. Something about missing someone that brings clarity to the joy of what you had.

I know I could have been a better wife, lover, friend and confidant but I did the best that I could with what I knew or believed in at the time.

Using practical, pragmatic and love in the same sentence is pretty much an oxymoron to the masses but lately I am under the belief that perhaps a bit of pragmatism isn’t such a bad quality when it comes to love. I think our culture’s fairytale approach to love and relationships is what causes a great deal of angst between a couple because surely neither of the pair can live up to such high standards without disappointing the other at one point. We are, after all, only human.

I think the most difficult thing to do in a relationship is to NOT lose yourself in the other person. There has to be a balance between your independent desires and your desire to share your life with someone.

I am a firm believer in the traditions of true love, (you know, trust, honesty, loyalty among just a few), but am also a realist and know that unless we give our partner the latitude to pursue their interests and desires as well as appreciate them for who they are, not what we expect them to be, that the relationship eventually is doomed.

The key to an enduring relationship is a strong sense of security in who you are and the ability to communicate your desires while thoughtfully accommodating the needs of your partner without compromising said desires. In the end, it all comes down to communication and that, I believe is the most important element to a relationship… outside of a loving nature of course.

I am a true believer in a fairytale ending for I am the biggest romantic of all times. I love sending cards, notes and little tokens of appreciation to my love and certainly enjoy the same reciprocated. We must remember that sometimes it’s just the little things like a smile or wink over dinner, or secret ways of saying I love you without anybody knowing that indeed that’s what it is. Even just holding hands when walking… (my favourite I might add).

Letting go of your baggage and knowing that it was all in the past certainly makes for a better relationship. Living each moment as if it were the last moment you had together is another way to enhance a relationship… and as much as that comment is a cliché, it is so true and so very important.

I told CK today during my workout (and boy it was a good work out I might add!), that when I fall in love again (and I will because I know just how much fun it is to be in love and I can’t imagine not experiencing it again), I don’t want to lose myself in someone. I want to be with a man who has left his baggage behind and is of strong character and is truely self assured. A man who is comfortable with who he is, wholesome in the sense that he does not need me to complete him, but a man who chooses to be with me because I am fun to be with, intelligent, compassionate, passionate... you know, a woman who complements him with her fine qualities. Or like CK says, “Someone who treats you with respect, like a Queen!”

Because I AM a Queen!

(thanks for the inspiration Chris)