Joy and Love for you in the New Year

I would have to say that 2005 was a very good year for me. It started off with a visit to New Orleans where my friend Patrick showed me around his hometown. It drizzled New Years Eve but it did not stop us from making our way through the jammed streets of the French Quarter. Who’d have known that the city was to change forever?

In May, I took a trip to Chicago for a workshop. It was one of those New Age, "improve yourself" workshops and I have to admit I was less than impressed with the presenter and her presentation and realized that perhaps a lot of this "New Age", "Self-Help" stuff, in the end, turns out to be about lost souls looking for a place to dock and those who, although I'm sure they believe their intentions are good, end up taking advantage of these lost souls, through the sales of their books, lectures and workshops. (I am only speaking from this one experience. There are many wise people out there who have written books,who do workshops and lecture that have helped many to expand their knowledge regarding the evolution of their soul.) Nevertheless, this particular experience was an eye opener for me. The trip was not in vain, I did meet a woman, kindred spirit of sorts, who graciously invited me to dinner and to meet her family. She also took the time to show me around Chicago. Thanks Theresa, I will always remember you for your warm heart.

June found me in California again. LA to be exact. I never thought I would ever like LA but it has a life of its own, eclectic and diverse, more than any place else in the world I would suspect. A great place to take photos and spend time with a dear friend.

September was the ultimate trip and one I will remember for the rest of my life for it was my trip to Italy that I truly found the peace of soul I had been searching for these many years. It was seven weeks of testing my courage, my independence and my acceptance at being alone.

It was a year of conflict with my son that has ended in a peaceful truce, and although there are times we must still negotiate to keep the peace, we both realize the value of our love for one another.

It was a year to meet new friends. Sue, you have brought laughter into my life. Watching you and your small family brings back memories of how it use to be for me when Gary was alive and he, Nick, Teddy (our devoted and loyal dog) and I were a family. I realize that time was like a jewel, precious and priceless. It brings me joy to be your friend.

Lise in Italy. How fortunate I was to meet you. I will visit again and certainly accept your invitation to stay with you. She and I had some wonderful conversations and we shared a kindred spirit. I learned a great deal from Lise, the most important… letting go.

It was a year of renewed relationships, with my parents, and my sister, whom I am enjoying on such a different level than I did when I was younger. Cathy, you have a very kind heart and I know you mean well. I am proud to be your sister.

It was also a year to say good-bye. My dearest Marc, we shared many emotional moments, fulfilling conversations and a unique intimacy. I thank you for that. But our circumstance just wasn't right and the timing was so off. You saw this whole relationship very differently than I did. I think I know what true love is. It looks a little different than what I was settling for in the case of you and I.

My old but trusting friends have blessed me with their love as usual. Lois, although we are not blood relatives, you really are my sister. Gail, how is it that you are always there when someone is in need? Maggie, Evelyn, Janet, Pat, Candace and Meagan. You all have helped me through what I believe to be my toughest year yet since Gary’s departure.

My daily job has brought me fulfillment and a reason to get up in the morning. My co-workers have supported me and especially this year when I left them with the extra stress of taking care of my duties while I was away for 7 weeks. You may not know this but you helped with my healing more than you know.

2005 also has me dreaming and scheming. A trip to Africa in the works for 2006.

More than anything, this year taught me how important it is to live in the moment. How to appreciate the things that I have in my life. It has taught me that I am never alone, that I am beautiful, strong and independent. It has taught me the value of true love and what it stands for and that it comes on all levels in all sorts of colours.

I have been running since Gary’s death, these almost 3 years past. Running from pain, from fear of being alone, fear of actually having to be all that I can be, accepting all that I am. It’s time to stop.

My will to stay positive and optimistic has grown stronger because of my experiences in 2005 and I am filled with enthusiasm, joy and gratitude for my life, here and now.

New Year’s Eve my parents, my sister, her husband, my niece, nephew, Nicholas and I will hang out at my home. My young niece has a new board game she is excited to try out. We will laugh and talk and we will bring in the New Year in harmony and love. Oh I know this all sounds so very “saccharine”, but really can you think of a better way to view the world?

When I was in Italy this fall, my friend Lise, her mother came to visit. Lise’s mother has cancer and not sure how long she has to live. I asked her…”Knowing you have only X time left, is there something you would want to do that you perhaps didn’t do?” Her reply was this…”No, I have lived a simple but good life. I have no regrets. What precious time I have left on this earth, I would like to spend being around the people I love. My grandchildren, my sons, my daughter, my close friends.”

May the New Year bring you, joy, an enthusiasm to live each moment, for it is your only moment and may it especially bring you love.