On Being Single

I was on the Flickr site (www.flickr.com) looking at photos…again… and reading the comments and writings of those who peruse through there. The site is interesting and people on there are intelligent and have seen a phenomenal amount of creativity, it simply amazes me.

In one of the Flickr “groups” called Social there is a subject, “so um, are you single”. Since I was I thought I would check it out. Most of the people in these groups are more my son’s age than my own. So I often hesitate to make comment for fear they might think I'm like their mother and trying to be cool by hanging out with them. Just the same it got me thinking.

I have been single now for two plus years. After being married for 25 I must say it is taking quite a lot of work to adjust to not having someone to come home to and share my daily bantering with. I miss not being cuddled, or comforted. I miss not having someone to joke around with, I miss the comfort of having someone near. I miss the sex, the love making and the intimacy that I shared with my mate. I miss walking the beach, sharing a meal over candlelight, sharing a bath, saying goodnight, waking to the sound of my lovers breathing. I pretty much miss everything that goes with a most remarkable loving relationship (which, I might add, is what I had).

Now, I have had to learn to feel comfortable with myself. After the shock of having my best friend and lover, torn from my life, I began to appreciate my strengths, my ability to surpass great sorrow and sadness, rise above aloneness and embrace the remarkable woman that I am. I have become more adventurous and daring, more bold and out spoken. I have never felt more sensual or beautiful and open to opportunities. I am embracing the wise and intelligent person that I am and crave to express my creativity. I have learned these past two and some years that I can hold my own, that I don’t need anyone to “complete” me, I am complete on my own, and I am also eager to learn and travel and expose myself to life experiences as they are presented to me so that I might grow and evolve with all that is around me.

I have been incredibly lonely, sometimes by choice, sometimes not… but I am never alone or uncomfortable with myself. I can sit quietly in silence.

It would be nice to share my life with someone, and I'm sure, when the time is right, someone will come along. Until then, I’ll just sit back and enjoy the silence.