One of the greatest lines in musical lyrics in relation to love is from Don Henley’s song “Everything is Different Now”.
“I dropped down and called out to heaven. “Send me someone to love.” And heaven shot back, “You get the love that you allow.”
I have standards when it comes to a partner and those standards grew out of several dismal mistakes I have made in my past. I have an idea what I want in a partner, be he a lifetime or short-term partner, and those standards are high. Speaking honestly, if a man came along that warmed every aspect of my heart, and I was ready and open to accept that kind of love, I would most certainly open up and fall into a devoted relationship with that man.
It would not be fair or honest of me or to another, if I jumped into bed with a man simply because that person sexually aroused me. Although I enjoy sex, I am a woman that tries to walk with grace and dignity and although I try hard not to be righteous in any way about the morals and actions of others, I do believe in the common rule, do onto others as you would have done to you. When it comes right down to it, I would rather choose my hand and a vibrator over a one-night stand. (A lesson also learned through a few thoughtless choices.)
As for my life, what I am ready for is to move on. I struggle with it yes, but there is no time frame for me. Money is money and to use that as an excuse to not move forward would be negligent to my soul. If a moment from now an opportunity came along that I thought would truly move my life forward, I would most certainly give it my utmost consideration and would most probably take it. I am not tied down to anything and if Gary taught me one thing in his life, he taught me that wherever I go, life unfolds as you choose it to. If an opportunity to stay and live in Italy were presented to me, when I am visiting next month, I would most probably take it regardless of my pension or my house or my son. I would do everything to make sure my son was taken care of in some manner, for I will always be his mother, but I am not tied to Nicholas. If anything I use "my need to be responsible for..." Nick as an excuse for me not to move on, along with the responsiblities I have with my home and my job in the same way. There are no guarantees in life; this I know for sure and you must take what you desire now for the opportunity does not often present itself again.
I also know, only too well, that a person will do what they feel is right for them in any particular moment. And in knowing this I believe a person will do whatever they choose to do if they feel it is in their best interest. We hold no power over anyone’s choices in life. We may influence them but in the end, a person does what they choose to do for whatever need or purpose they desire. I have no more control over your decisions than you do over mine. If, in a relationship, one is lonely and wants to find friendship and or love with another they will do so without asking anyone’s permission. I understand this well. We are all the same in that manner. We are adults here, not children and to seek permission is about seeking affirmation that we are doing the right thing in other people's eyes. One must do what one feels is right for them and leave it at that.
BUT HERE IN LIES THE KEY…What is most important in any decision, in any kind of relationship be it friend or lover, is to respect the heart of the other person. Again coming back to the "golden rule". My belief is that if you don't second guess how the other will react, stay honest and true to yourself, to your partner or friend, AND trust the love you share with them then no one could possibly be hurt. It is the only way to be.
We build a lifetime of fears that carry us away from the truth.
Some days the meaning is so clear to me. Today is one of those days and in each day that I take strength from that understanding it takes me further away from fear and brings me closer to home.
ONE MUST BE FEARLESS TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.
There are no guarantees in life. Neither you nor I can make promises to one another because we know that life changes constantly. But what we can do is be as honest and loving as we can be with one another while we are together on this planet, and in the Zen way, life will unfold for us as it is meant to.
THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE.
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2 comments:
Hello Sandy,
I saw your recent posts on The Senior Bachelor site … which brought me to your site. What wonderful, insightful writing. I felt so much of it – could be me. You have such a gift for words … and I thank you for sharing those words so freely … where others can benefit from their wisdom.
I wanted to write to you – because you came onto the SB site at an unusual time … and then deleted your posts. And several of us have wondered about you – and were concerned. Many of us have been following this venture from the beginning. Several are part of a group of 118 women who were told that if they submitted their videos immediately – they would be contacted by Oprah. Others (like myself), have not submitted a video (and may – or may not … still to be decided) … but follow the venture because we have become part of a community.
This unlikely group developed – as a result of not getting answers to questions on the SB site … and just general frustration with not being able to voice our opinions freely (because many got deleted – for speaking their mind). So … I started a Blog – and very soon – my Blog became ‘the meeting spot’. Through that – we all started developing warm friendships – and began to really get to know each other. Eventually, many of the gals started their own Blogs … and we are now all going to Desert Flowers Blog – as a central location. In another week or so, we will move to another host site … and continue rotating to give everyone a chance to share in that roll.
The reason that I am sharing this – is that we all felt that you had so much to offer … and that you seemed like ‘one of us’. We are all smart … witty … clever … intelligent … warm … caring … and loving women. And beautiful as well. : ) We have dubbed ourselves ‘The Nanny Nanny Boo Boo Sisterhood’. That sounds a little odd … but it really comes from one of our Canadian Sisters … and started as a bit of a joke. What has evolved – is a true Sisterhood. Beyond Senior Bachelor … beyond Richard Roe … we believe we will carry on. We are planning a ‘Sisterhood Cruise’ … and many of the gals are headed out to Manhattan Beach, this coming week – to meet Richard - The Senior Bachelor. But just as much – to meet each other face-to-face. Another meet is planned for Chicago – and many of us will go – again, to meet each other. We have even started a fundraising effort (you can go to my Blog – to see more information about it) – to raise money for The American Heart Association and the World Heart Federation (so that we could reach out Globally as well). Because we all felt that it was important to do something altruistic in nature.
All of this, to say, that you are warmly invited to Desert Flowers Blog:
http://www.blogger.com/profile/10088356
To meet us … and to become part of our group. There are no ‘rules’ … and everyone is invited to be part of ‘us’. And we would love to hear more from you.
Also – just wanted you to know – that when you came on the SB site – one of ‘our gals’ had a sort of hormonal ‘melt-down’ – due to a reaction to medication and extreme exercise … or something like that. She had a sort of ‘outburst’ – which caused much controversy … and sort of ‘rocked the boat’ over at SB. We had been having a perfectly pleasant time … that I suspect would have been appealing to you - and others. But – when you arrived – there was tension and ‘trouble in SB land’. And that does happen from time to time. Forest Hills has apologized – and feels bad about what happened. And the NNBB Sisterhood has wrapped their loving arms around her – as she heals.
There are definitely different ‘factions’ at work over at the SB site – though I suppose that should be expected – as there are hundreds of women vying for the attention of one man. : ) But – we – all of us – would not have met, had it not been for the SB site. So we are grateful for that! And, with the NNBB Sisterhood (at Desert Flowers) – there is a different feel – and a warmth … and caring … and lots of laughter … that is very heartwarming. So … I hope you will give us a try … and let us know you are okay. We would love to get to know you!
Through the posts on your site … I came across the post from Paul / Puddlian. His words haunted me for several days. Then, last night, well - actually in the wee hours of the morning – I decided to write to him. And then I went to Desert Flowers site of our NNBB Sisterhood – and posted a request for others to join me in writing to Paul … to show him that there were others ‘out there’ … and that he was not alone. Several of my dear friends have already written to Paul … and I am hoping that he will see those posts soon … and that it will cause him to smile. Thank you for leading us to him.
Hoping to hear from you … and wishing you all the best.
Warm regards,
Brenda
P.S. I really appreciate your 'Crossroads' comments!
Hey Sandy,
I am a regular poster on the Senior Bachelor site and got led to your site by Brenda (clickgirl).
Your views hold a lot of meaning for me at this time.
I am bookmarking your page and will be back to view your entire blog in more detail.
Take care and thanks for taking the time to reach out and touch someone with your remarkable insights.
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